i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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