Do you still have your period?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
