I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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