Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Shame - the story of my life.
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