kristin has been a bad kristin
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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