Who did Billy Mays play for?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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