shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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