Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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