What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
