can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So squirting runs in the family.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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