I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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