Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.