Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
