thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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