so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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