youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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