I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
