STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
