im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
