Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
