I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
