Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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