now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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