Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
