Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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