to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
