but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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