I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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