i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
