I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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