There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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