I'm pants shitting drunk right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
