Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
