she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
