Barsexuality is the new black.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
