Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
