i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
