You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
