you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
