I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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