My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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