i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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