After last night, I could never be a politician.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
