where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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