I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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