Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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