tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
