a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize