Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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