Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
