That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
