The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
