I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
