no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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