I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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