I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
