Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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