I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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