I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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