we have officially lost it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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