I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry about my life...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
