did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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