Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
