She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize