Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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