Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
