Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
