Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
