Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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