omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
