EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
