Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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