I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
