He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
