She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
