1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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