I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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