After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize