There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
